Today we talk about the juicy stuff – how our relationship (and sex) with our partner has changed after the baby. Author of the Post-baby conversation Alison Osborne gives us suggestions on how to keep the romance, sex and fun alive. And then chef Janelle Bloom cooks up some romantic dinner suggestions to help get you in the mood!
Watch segments from Episode 9 of Mums & Bubs and access great articles about the topics discussed below.
A baby is one of life’s greatest joys for new parents, but it can also put a great strain on the relationship. In today’s show, we discuss how your priorities and your relationship with your partner changes after having a baby. Lea Wilson remembers going out for dinner 3 nights a week, going to the movies at the last minute and generally having fun together. Sleep deprivation can really take its toll on a relationship. Lea can attest to this as she turns into a ‘witch’ without getting a good sleep and it was very hard for the first few months after the birth of her first baby. It was through the mutual love and adoration of their son that she and her husband reconnected.
Rachel reflects on the fact that everyone wants to tell you how your life will change in terms of lack of sleep and feeling tired, but nobody warned her that a new baby would have such an impact on her relationship with her husband Stuart.
Lochie and Karina Daddo had been married for 6 years before having Daisy, now 2 years old, and felt that it was the next and natural step in their relationship. However they were unprepared for how the dynamic changes from living quite a selfish life to living a life that is all about the baby. Lochie looked on it as you can either embrace it or you can fight it and mourn for your past life.
Lea suggests that it’s possible to go a step too far and not concentrate on each other at all. Parenting can take so much out of you that there is nothing left to give to your partner. Time to your self seems like a good answer, but of course this gets harder to find with the more kids that you have.
Alison Osbourne suggests that we should be open with each other and don’t expect your partner to read your mind.
Discussed on the couch today was the hot topic of sex after the birth of your baby. The first question of how much does your body change raised quite a stir. It changes a lot according to the girls and it really does affect your sex life with your partner.
No longer are you toned and slender, but things have moved into places that weren’t there before, such as breasts are lower, bigger, smaller, sorer, and your hips and waist have taken on quite a different look. These changes can affect how you feel about yourself.
Lochie Daddo responds to this discussion from a male point of view and says he thinks to watch your wife go through pregnancy and birth actually increases the love and admiration for your partner making them just that little bit sexier.
Alison Osborne, author of The Post-baby Conversation shares findings from research with many couples, telling us how important it is to make time to keep the relationship strong. She also recalls the story of a ‘stay at home dad’ who was too exhausted after looking after the baby all day to respond to his wife’s amorous advances when she came home from work. All the girls agree that this is a reassuring story as women are often portrayed as deliberately withholding sex from their partners. Cindy Pan shares how it’s not just the physical tiredness that can affect you when you’re with the kids, but the emotional tiredness that comes from being a mum, and this can make it hard to relax with your partner.
After kids come along, making time for your partner suddenly becomes a lower priority. Yet after the children are grown up and independent, it’s just the two of you again. So how can we reconnect, keep the romance, sex and fun alive?
The well used cliche of “take some time for you” conjures up dinner at a fancy restaurant or a weekend away. Alison suggests it’s much simpler than that. It can be 10 minutes at the end of the day where you take the time to actually talk to each other and reconnect. Her big tip is don’t try to have this conversation in the bed, as she has learnt that when a man goes to bed it’s for either sleep or sex, not talking,
Alison raises a few critical conversations we should have before a baby enters the dynamic:
The big message is stay working as a team, keep the fun and laughter in your lives, remember that the two of you are where it all started so work hard to maintain your relationship.
Chef, Janelle Bloom joins us to cook up some tempting recipes to get our tired mums and dads in the mood. Sharing a meal together can really help you to reconnect as it give you time to chat without other pressures pulling at you. Janelle provides us with a three course romantic dinner menu, now it’s up to you to choose the music, light the candles and be romantic.
Janelle’s big tip is keep it simple and hopefully cook something that can be prepared earlier so you are not rushing around cooking instead of relaxing. She recommends, balsamic oysters which can either be prepared au natural or grilled, pasta bake, and a heavenly chocolate fondue. Watch this segment to see how easily everything is prepared.